Astrology

Horoscopes week of November 24, 2013

november24

Aries

(March 21- April 19)

Why do the same thing over and over again?  You will continue to get the same results.  Try to mix it up a bit, try something new.  A good DP never hurt anyone.

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

Cash in on this week any way you can.  Remember that business deal you have been meaning to finish, now is the time.  Or that bank robbery you and your friends have been contemplating: Go for it!

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

Thoughts of your future are entering your head this week. If they are about planning your black Friday shopping, share it on Facebook.  If they are about planning the wedding your significant other hasn’t proposed to you yet, keep that to yourself for now.  It will pay off in the long run.

Cancer

(June 21- July 22)

No one knows how you feel, so you should feel everyone.  I mean it, it’s cool.  Touch them.  Caress them.  It’s OK, they want you to.

Leo

(July 23 – Aug 22)

Do not have sex with the stranger you meet at the bar this week.  They have herpes. Yours welcome.

Virgo

(August 23 – Sept 22)

Comb your hair this week, see how people respond.  Now is your chance to go in a different direction, have sex with new people (with protection of course) and reach new heights of pleasure you have only dreamed of before.  Oh and give your folks a call.

Libra

(Sept 23 – Oct 22)

Stay home this week.  No really.  If you have sick or vacation time saved up for the rest of the year, this week is the time to use it.  Jerk off, order pizza and watch Netflix, it is best not to leave the house.

Scorpio

(Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You may be worried about your current situation this week.  You know what? Who cares.  Your relationships –  just chill out.  Your finances –  let it ride.  Your friends – fuck ‘em.  Your family – go see them it’s a holiday for gosh sake.

Sagittarius

(Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Patience if your most valuable asset and everything will work out in the end.  If it doesn’t, you weren’t patient enough.

Capricorn

(Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Stop masturbating!  Lately you have been going too far with the whole thing.  Sometimes is cool.  Every now and then is OK, Dr’s even admit that, but come on.  You know what you’ve been doing and so do the stars.

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Although it may appear that everyone is out to get you, you must still spend time with your family this Thanksgiving.  Be the bigger person and eat some turkey with your loved ones.

Pisces

(Feb 19 – March 20)

Don’t be so up in everyone’s face this week.  This spot that you are in right now, Pisces, isn’t the time or place for you to be in the spotlight.  You are not the focus right now and it is not all about you.

Hipster

(January 1, 1979 – December 31, 1995) – You may want to put some lenses in your glasses this week.  You are going to slip on a wet sidewalk in the slippers you wore to work and break your arm.

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About Robyn Guinness

I like cheesecake, eggrolls, Miller Light, and asparagus. Just don't mix it all together.
  • Gre Light

    This is awesome.

  • Danny_Carlins

    I should have listened.