Opinion

Every Young Man’s Battle: The Worst Documentary I’ve Ever Seen

I just watched what is perhaps the most unintentionally funny documentary that I’ve ever seen. Every Young Man’s Battle, based off of the book of the same title, is a Christian anti-porn film about the perils of pornography and sexual temptation in society today. And because they are so vehemently against sexually explicit images, I think I’ll just throw some into this post randomly just for fun. Wow do I love tights.

The movie gives you a good indication of how terrible it’s going to be right from the beginning when one of the interviewees makes this statement.

Once you get on porn boulevard, the end of porn boulevard you crash and burn.

Not only are the messages they give in this film completely absurd, but they can’t even say them in a clear manner. Aside from that, though, I really wish that porn boulevard was an actual place. Because it’s glorious to think of street lined with naked women just waiting to try and seduce you. Forget driving down it, I’m going to build a frickin’ house on this street.

Perhaps the most ridiculous statement made in the entire movie is when one of the guys speaking compares the battle the youth of today faces in sexual temptation to the battles of war in past generations. Are you kidding me? So risking your life is now equivalent to resisting the urge to look at boobs online. Yes, that is a perfectly logical way to think.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I mean, just look at these two images next to each other. The dangers are clearly the same in both. /sarcasm

Another interesting theme throughout this documentary is that they seem to indicate that watching pornography not just can, but will lead to a lifetime of bad choices and decisions. In fact, one of the people even goes so far as to say this.

The person you are as a young man is the person you’ll drag into adulthood.

Right. Everyone knows that it is impossible to change things about yourself from the time you are 13 to the time you are an adult. They use the example of serial killer Ted Bundy to further explain their point. Are they trying to insinuate that if you watch porn that you will become a serial killer? I really hope not. Because it’s absolutely absurd to use a select few extreme examples to try and argue your point.

Countless times throughout the film they mention various statistics indicating the profitability and prevalence of the porn industry. So if it is so widespread and common, then why are there so few Ted Bundys? Perhaps it’s because looking at boobs and naked people as a child isn’t the real cause for violence as an adult later in life.

Let’s do a little test. Here’s a picture of Asa Akira. Now here’s a chance for you to go watch any number of Asa Akira films and see her do a plethora of sexual things.

 Ok, so let’s see what happened. Maybe you saw the picture and wanted to check out some of her videos. Then you watched one or two and perhaps even jerked off. You know what you’ll most likely do next? Whatever the hell you were going to do before you saw that picture. I highly doubt I just sent someone into a spiral of darkness and ruined their life because I just posted a picture of a porn star.

That’s about all I can say in regards to this documentary. Overall, I thought it to be an absolute piece of garbage. And it wasn’t just the content or message. The terrible soundtrack, the awful camera work, and the just horrendous writing all helped to contribute to making this movie a disaster. Nonetheless, I found it to be incredibly entertaining, albeit unintentionally. So give Every Young Man’s Battle a watch below if you have nothing better to do for an hour and see for yourself.

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About Danny C

Over the course of his long and illustrious career, Danny C has been dubbed the last remaining true connoisseur of fine scat. The New York Times once named him, "The world's forefront expert and appreciator of the nearly lost art of scat munching." Danny's contributions to the world of scat tasting have included numerous essays on new and rare techniques, a wonderful coffee table book titled, "Scat Delicacies from Around the World - An Illustrated Guide," the resurrection of ancient and nearly forgotten Chinese bowel exercises, and his most recent book, "Scat Propulsion for Maximum Force and Accuracy." Danny now runs his own institute, a 3 week course designed for beginners and scat-munching veterans alike. He regularly organizes workshops for those who would like to participate in the more esoteric practices such as scat bathing, scat wrestling, and other feces-related niche pastimes. To book an appointment today, simply contact him directly through this page and he or one of his assistants will get back to you within two business days.