I care very little about the Olympics. I care even less about the Winter Olympics. So needless to say, I will not be watching this years’ games taking place in Sochi. However, there are a couple good things to come out of the Winter Olympics this time around. None of them related to the sports, of course. The actual sports are all awful. And the annoying faux nationalism that accompanies the Olympics is just agonizing to look at. Yes, we all see your flag wrapped around your naked body. Hooray. Go team. The quality things to come out of the games are much more important than countries rallying behind each other or shows of sportsmanship. These things are all boring. The only thing that’s going to make me tune in are the funny outfits and hot girls.
Team Norway knows what’s up
The Norwegian curling team’s outfits are probably the greatest things I’ve ever seen. Are they competing in the Olympics, or are they starting a barbershop quartet? I’m honestly not sure. Either way, I want one of those uniforms. They’re fucking majestical.
Russians win the gold for being hot
This is Tatiana Borodulina. She’s a speed skater. She also looks great in tight, wet, white dresses apparently. The more you know.
I really wish Ekaterina Stolyarova participated in the Summer Olympics. I may watch then. Instead she’s wasting away doing freestyle skiing and covered in lots of layers. BOO!
Then there are these two lovely members of the Russian curling team, Ekaterina Galkina and Alexandra Saitova. I’m starting to question why I wasn’t born in Russia…
Aaaand that’s it. These are literally the only two reasons why you should watch the Winter Olympics. If you are doing so for any other reason, then you are just wasting your time. I’m not sure why I hate the Winter Olympics so much. Oh wait, yes I do. Because it’s full of a bunch of things that aren’t even real sports. When do we ever care about curling or skiing or ice skating outside of the Olympics? Never, that’s when. And don’t try to convince me with hockey either. Hockey is great if you’re into hockey. But as a casual fan, it’s just not doing anything for anyone. Maybe the Winter Olympics would be more fun if they had a snowball fight event or a snowman building contest or something. In fact, I think I’m going to call up the Olympics and suggest it.