The Fornicator

Five Positive Things That I Legit, Actually, For Real Learned From Porn

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Oh have we heard the reasons why you should never equate porn to real-life, personalized sex. There’s that ‘ole list of “30 Things I Learned From Porn” that takes the tongue-in-cheek, hehehe method to how over-the-top the industry can be, and there’s the actual warnings to remind you that no, average sex lives don’t feature weekly no-condom, anal gang-bangs and girls with 15 lbs of cum on their faces.

But, in this career I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know porn stars in their real, personal lives, and I’ve watched hours and hours of filmed fucking. And I’ve whipped up a list of the good stuff that you can learn from porn and pack it in your back pocket and bring it on home with ya.

 

 1. Being Okay With Touching My Bits And O-Facing With Company

Ain’t nobody got time for shy in porn. Unless you’re supposed to play the part of “shy school girl”, but that’s different. Nope, in porn it’s bare-all, this feels good, pleasure-me time. Before I was watching the fanny flicks I would never, ever, achieve orgasm central unless I was ALONE. And I never tried touching myself while having sex. And you know what, I learned from watching that if you try one, it usually leads to the other, and is all-around great sex for everyone.

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2. Touching More Than The Ding Ding

Needless to say, since delving into the porn industry, my boyfriend is pleased that I have tried a few groping and stroking moves that I have observed in these films. Sure, his penis exists, and it’s super important to pay as much attention to that as he should my hoo-ha BUT, that hanging fruit should not be ignored, and I relish in the different moans I get when I start paying attention.

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3. Nail Polish, Heels, Blow Outs, Oh My

I’m amazing at being a tomboy. Well-versed in the role, I thrive at being barefoot, chewing at my finger nails, and I so rarely ever brush my hair. But you know what? Painting your nails kind of makes me feel glamorous and elegant, even if they are dark blue sparkled (that’s what I’m staring at right now). And I love heels, I’m not going to hide that fact. I’m 5’8″ now and the higher the better; those girls sure know how to rock some platform peep toes. And swingable, lustrous locks? I thought that only existed in L’Oreal commercials. No. It’s called a hair salon, Emja, it’s pretty lovely from time to time.

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4. The Power of Noise

I’m not talking queefing (though come on, it’s a funny sound), and I’m not talking about getting-in-trouble-with-your-landlord heights of sexual volume. What I am referring to are those moans and little screams and gasps that turn everyone on when they’re watching porn. I’m a noisy little lay, I admit. And it is loved, and I love it back.

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5. Anal.

Yup! Gotta credit it to porn. First time I heard that that was actually a thing…I wanted to puke. Hell, I may have spit-gagged. But eventually I got to watching it and then, out of seemingly nowhere, it was a turn-on. And I tried it. AND I REALLY LIKED IT. Now I have friends asking advice on the position and I say go for it, but it’s not a wham-bam move, which should be obvious (but still isn’t). Preparation is key, and no fist is going up my ass, but seeing anal in porn was my first “hmmmm…” moment, and I have to thank the industry for enjoying it.

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About emja

Emja* was born in Björk’s house in Iceland and grew up on Easter Island, where her parents were giant stone heads. She has the ability to fire beams of tacos out of her hands and she can turn her legs into tigers. On Sundays, Emja enjoys reading Family Circus and traveling through time. Her favorite color is greenish-transparent and her favorite movie is the one you just watched. Emja is in charge of uploading the staff bios to the website, and no one has checked over her work. *name has been changed