Reviews

Lady Boner: I Took a Dick Pill For Kicks

I'm a lady and I took a boner pill

I’m not actually naked.

I’d been moving this sample pack of Blue Fusion around the house for months after I got it at DomCon LA in May 2013. Even though I didn’t have any particular reason to take a male enhancement sample from the vendor, I thought I might be able to pawn it off on a friend. Then it dawned on me: giving away a boner pill to a friend is kind of like telling someone they need help downstairs. “Maybe your (little) head isn’t on straight,” or something like that. Bottom line: I’m not trying to insult any of my friends with a free dick pill. So I kept it like the hoarder I am.

Skip forward to Friday, January 3rd, for the first heavy snow of 2014, when I worked from home. It’s the only time I’ve ever done this, and while I was still technically working, I was also going to be stuck inside the comfort of my own home for at least the next 36 hours. I had just rediscovered the “all natural” boner booster in my New Year’s cleaning (read: further mess making) and decided to gamble with science and swallow the blue pill. My curiosity was especially piqued by the phrase “For Male use only.” Surely, with our similar physical tissues, I should feel something, right? My clit should swell, my skin should flush, and I should just feel like getting down. And according to the package, I should feel a result withing 45 to 60 minutes of taking the pill.

So, about 4 hours into my work at home day, I took the a pill that’s package states that it is “100% natural,” “adds fullness, firmness, and duration of an erection,” and “heightens libido and intensifies orgasms.” Furthermore, Blue Fusion is supposed to last 72 hours. I’m glad I took this capsule while I was still completely ignorant of the woman who suffered from a 3 hour orgasm.

I took the pill and waited. Then I got on Facebook to tell everyone what I was doing. I was gunning to have a big lady boner and so were some of my followers! I waited and joked with them about the  impending blood race to clit mountain in between editing film reviews. I was prepared to be wildly horny for the whole snowy weekend! I waited the suggested 45-60 minutes.

And then I did feel a stirring-was this it? I started to feel my libido spike. Then my kitten walked onto my desk and farted. My swirling pink cloud of arousal suddenly evaporated. Did the kitten just take out all of my supposed horniness with one tiny ass blast? Dammit. I went back to editing. I felt shaken, not stirred.

I wish I had more to tell you. If only there was some hilariously funny “let me tell you about this one time I was SO horny” story. Sadly, there’s barely more to this experience than one nasty-tasting (probably due the aged garlic extract it contained) pill, one rank kitten fart, and one lady who wanted to rally against a lackluster claim that libido boosting pills are “For Male use only.” In short, I’ve gotten more turned on looking at the Harriet Carter catalog in my lifetime than I did from using Blue Fusion.

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About Dee

I'm a blogger, photographer, and collector of human sexuality information.