Oh, fall. Or autumn if you’re fancy. It’s just so snuggly. But guess what, you slighty-to-serious perverts of mine — fall is sexy as all hell, too. Summer gets too much credit for sexified seasonal days. Sure, the denim underwear known as “shorts” and string bikinis known as “bathing suits” reveal as much baby bit view as you can handle, but autumn can bring people so much closer together. When summer hits why would you want to share sweat and have other peoples hair sticking to your sun poisoned body? Pffft. Nope. Give me thigh highs with dresses and cozy, slip-offable sweaters. Here I go into six sexiest things of fall…with a few not-so-sexy things, just to play fair (but only in pictures).
This is completely necessary amidst the chilled air, but is totally unbutton-able. So trust, I’m playing coy when I ask you to “feel how soft this flannel shirt is!” What I want is for you to take your hands and feel around, then unpluck those plastic closures slowly, and wrap us both in it.
So…this picture speaks for itself, yeah? Bonfires own autumnal evenings. You don’t even need to legit camp, just find a bonfire and get it on. The crisp air matched with the heat from the fire is a sensual explosion. However, I do recommend bringing a blanket, because…ouch to the above.
Autumn means Halloween. Halloween should mean tasteful scares with haunted houses and getting close and then taking off clothing and doing it. It does. Trust me, this is all what autumn and Halloween means. Plus, how cool would it be for a ghost if it caught you getting dirty in their house?! Nothing could possibly go wrong with that!
The great thing about hay is that they are mini mountains, and you can hide it in even though you’re two feet from people. The bad thing about hay is that 98% of people are allergic to it. The good thing about allergy medicine is that it works. So argument — settled. Hayrides are sexy, hands down. You throw it at people and roll around in it, but here’s another don’t-go-getting-nakie warning because, ow. Get a blanket or just flirt your face off until you’re sitting by a bonfire.
Boys In Sweaters and Leather Jackets
Oh, le sigh. LE SIGH.
This is a picture of Joe Flacco. One) Because he went to my school and I had a class with him getting to know how humble he was. Two) He’s hot. Three) He represents football, which you can classify sexy in your own way. Be it the men of the game, the competition, the benches where you can get super close, what have you. It’s a sexy game. Ass slap, what up?
Now for fall things that aren’t sexy aka annoy the hell out of me (personal opinion)
Horny Camera Guys
Guess What I’M Supposed To Be!
…a birth control advocate?
Not Knowing How to Properly Dress
Possible Death (by slipping)