WTF

Breaking Down the Lyrics to “Pussy” by Rammstein

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Believe it or not, I mean I know I was surprised, Rammstein are capable of making more than one song. I added one of their masterfully crafted pieces to my MASTER-Bation Mix Tape back in May, eloquently titled, “Pussy”. And it’s pretty catchy, though I’ve been struggling with getting the concept of the whole idea. I mean, “Pussy”, what exactly is he getting at here? Too much of it? Not knowing where to find it? 1-800-NEED-CAT? And all that German…what does it mean?

Too big, too small?//Size does matter, after all//Too big, too small?//He could be a little bigger.

I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say the arrow is landing on the subject of “penis” on the dartboard. And here all my life I’ve read that size doesn’t matter, if you’re referring to someone’s peen. So that’s not nice. Rammstein is referring to his wannabe-lover’s ex, or current, purely out of penis envy. Rammy must have a tiny bammy.

Mercedes-benz and Autobahn!//Alone, driving abroad!//Travel, travel! Driving pleasure!//I just wanna have fun, not fall in love!

When you’re vrooming down the highway blasting “Here I Go Again” alone, you can reach the legendary “other level” known as Driving Pleasure, or “fahrvergnügen”. But clearly this dude has just had his heart tragically stomped on. Driving alone…too many exclamation points…just wanting to have fun and not fall in love…you don’t need a speeding car son, you need a copy of Chicken Soup For The Soul and some Spaghettieis.

Just a little bit….//Just a little, bitch!

This is how you talk to the highway when you own it muthafukkuhhhh

You’ve got a pussy//I have a dick//So what’s the problem?//Let’s do it quick.

Did he just pick up a leather-clad hitchhiker? Who is he talking to? He was just driving alone in his Benz going 119 mph. And he asks “what’s the problem”?! He’s speeding and trying to have sex with an unidentified person. If he’s implying that engaging in sexual activity during a time when he would probably die if he hit a squirrel, it only furthers my conclusion that this man should be on suicide watch.

So take me now//before it’s too late!//Life’s too short, so I can’t wait!//Take me now!//Oh, don’t you see?//I can’t get laid in Germany…

Germany is regarded as “Europe’s biggest brothel” due to its lax laws regarding prostitution. Why he can’t get laid there has to be something short of a miracle, and I’m not sure I want to know why he can’t. Clearly whatever it is is making him want to die, since having sex with an invisible pussy friend driving un-Godly speeds down the Autobahn in his Mercedez is not generally recommended after a breakup.

Too short, too tall?//Doesn’t matter, one size fits all!//Too big, too small?//The turnpike should stand up!

 He literally just said that size does matter three seconds ago. The turnpike should stand up? Either he’s hallucinating or he wants the other drivers to give him a public ovation for this moving violation of sex.

Beautiful miss, lust for more?//Blizkrieg, with a rifle of meat!

A Blizkrieg is an infantry formation that “forces a breakthrough into the enemy’s rear through a series of deep thrusts; and once in the enemy’s rear, proceeds to dislocate them by utilizing speed and surprise, and then encircle them.” With a rifle of meat. I cannot. I cannot so much that I don’t know when I can again.

Schnapps in the head, you lovely lady//Put a bratwurst in your sauerkraut!

He’s talking to his invisible “pussy” friend again, but now we know why. He’s got so much Schnapps in his head. So let’s just recap. We have a sexually indecisive guy on suicide watch driving down the fastest freedom highway in the world, he’s drunk, and trying to put a German sausage into a pile of putrid yellow pickled cabbage. I believe at this point therapy and a nice ’79 Volkswagen Rabbit is the next step.

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About emja

Emja* was born in Björk’s house in Iceland and grew up on Easter Island, where her parents were giant stone heads. She has the ability to fire beams of tacos out of her hands and she can turn her legs into tigers. On Sundays, Emja enjoys reading Family Circus and traveling through time. Her favorite color is greenish-transparent and her favorite movie is the one you just watched. Emja is in charge of uploading the staff bios to the website, and no one has checked over her work. *name has been changed